Silicone Love
by Creature of Shadow
Summary: This is a small bit of silliness that r0o bribed me with a cookie for. And who can resist a r0o cookie? Summary: Sesshomaru meets a new modern convenience. NO SMUT. Sorry. :


**A/N: Dedicated to my Huckleberry AKA sugar0o 3**

**Box o'chocolates to Luna for betaing this and because the idea for this came from a strange convo between her, r0o and I in chat one day while talking about a fic of hers that is totally unrelated. Cuz we're just that awesome lol.**

"But-" Kagome started to protest as her mate eyed her warily and held a finger to her lips.

"Tomorrow night." He told her.

She stared at the back of his head petulantly as he rolled over and went to sleep. _'That's exactly what you've said every night for that last two months. Whoever came up with the term horn dog is a big fat liar.'_ she groused.

After a few moments it became apparent Sesshomaru wasn't going to suddenly change his mind and pounce her. So, with a sigh, Kagome crawled out of bed and headed to the secret place in her closet where she hid her little friend. She looked at its textured surface lovingly, and made her way to the bathroom.

Not for the first time, Sesshomaru found himself startled awake by a strange buzzing noise coming from down the hall. This had become a frequent occurrence over the last few months, and as tired as he was, tonight was the night he decided to investigate. Sesshomaru was, after all, very curious by nature and he had a feeling that he would not find sleep again until he discovered this irritating noises origin.

On silent feet, the Western Lord tiptoed down the hallway, pausing at the bathroom door.

"Oh Bob, yesssssss...Nnnngh!" Kagome's muffled voice groaned on the other side.

A few seconds later the damnable buzzing stopped, and Sesshomaru found himself face to face with Kagome. A pristine brow shot up to disappear under his silvery bangs as he took in his mate's flushed appearance, and the lingering scent of her arousal permeating the air.

"Uhhhh...Night!" she squeaked as she pushed past him and ran with a speed he didn't know she had into their room.

She felt a slight twinge of guilt after being caught, almost with her pants down, as she stowed Bob in his hiding place. But really, it was the taiyoukai's own fault she had to bring Bob into their home in the first place. If he would touch her other than squeezing her hand lightly or a peck on her cheek once in a while she wouldn't have had to resort to a battery powered lover in the first place. She had needs after all, and though her little friend was hardly as satisfying as her mate used to be, it got the job done.

Stuffing her bitter feelings into the back of her mind, she sighed and went to sleep, hoping that tomorrow the annoying mental chastity belt her mate had chained himself into would die a thousand horrible deaths and she could get laid.

**Meanwhile~~**

Sesshomaru stood unmoving, trying to make sense of what just happened. Who the hell was Bob? Why did he sound like one of Naraku's hell wasps? Was Kagome rutting with one of them? And what the hell was she hiding behind her back?

Resisting the urge to let out a frustrated sigh, Sesshomaru padded softly back to bed. He was fairly certain that sleep would be unattainable seeing as he now had more questions than he started with, but at least he could lay back and comfortably stare at the ceiling while he tried to figure out this latest bit of insanity in his life.

Sesshomaru, Lord of the Western Lands, Japan's most prominent business tycoon and self-proclaimed Master of the Universe, was pacing a trench in his office like a flittering teenage female nervously about to embark on her first date. Instead of plotting world domination, which was his normal daily routine, he could not get his mind of this buzzing bee youkai named Bob who was pleasuring his wife on a nightly basis.

_'Do bee youkai even have genitalia?'_ he wondered momentarily. Of course, he knew they had to have something since their reproductive rates were almost on the same level as rabbits, but he had never seen anything that resembled male or female parts on any of the flying pests he had encountered. They all looked and smelled the same.

Which brought him to wonder how Kagome had been able to tell the difference. As far as Sesshomaru knew, no bee, wasp or hornet youkai were powerful enough to even take a humanoid form, so that left the oversized insect. He frowned, picturing the form of the creature in his mind and tried to discover anything resembling a penis.

_'Perhaps the stinger?'_ he thought, completely irrationally. The stingers were far too small to be used as such, but he made a mental note to inspect her lady bits for any possible stings when he got home, just in case. He grimaced slightly. Stings in that area would be quite painful, so why would she continue to subject herself to that sort of thing?

Just then, his now female secretary skipped into his office with a stack of paperwork. Eying the bright pink kimono and the large breasts the smirking redhead was sporting, Sesshomaru mentally sighed. He distinctly remembered hiring a _**male**_ Jakotsu six months ago.

A formidable pressure was forming behind his eyes, and the great white inu rubbed his temples in annoyance. Nothing made any sense anymore.

Three hours later, Sesshomaru was no closer to figuring out the mechanics of bee/miko sex than he was when he started the previous night. Aside from his stinger theory, which was very flawed to say the least, he could only come up with one other possibility that was so thoroughly disturbing he spent an hour pretending he didn't think of it at all.

So, he decided to take the rest of the day off, and try to catch her in the act. His bitch had been adulterous and he would take great pleasure in destroying her partner in front of her eyes. Then Sesshomaru would remind her who it was she belonged to, why such behavior will not be tolerated, and make her clean up the infidel's gooey remains off the carpet. After that they would take a nap, have breakfast and indulge in each once more before he left to hash out his plans to take over the world and all would be right again.

Nodding to himself, satisfied with his plans, Sesshomaru strode out the door with his head held high. He was almost cheerful as he settled into the driver's seat of his sedan. Nothing like a bit of light killing before dinner to brighten one's day.

**Back at the Western Manor~~~**

Kagome glanced at the clock on the microwave, and noted that she had 2 hours before her taiyoukai came home. She could time it almost to the second every day, and since he had never differed from his personal schedule before there was no reason to think today would be any different.

She giggled to herself as she pulled Bob and her ID Glide from her silky bag. Laying down on her bed, legs akimbo, she lubed Bob up and went to town.

If she had been paying more attention to her surroundings, and less to her attentions, she may have noticed a familiar large aura enter the house.

As soon as he had opened the door, the incriminating buzzing sound reached his ears. Sesshomaru smirked. He knew she would not be expecting him this early. And he knew she would be damning herself when he got there.

Kagome really should acknowledge his genius; he was after all, Master of the Universe. Things would be so much easier in their lives if she would just accept his superiority. Amber orbs flashed red as their owner made his way silently down the hall to their shared bedroom. He would make her understand this today.

Sesshomaru practically tore the door off the hinges as he sped inside to prevent the occupants in the room from escaping. He was greeted by a surprised squeak and the sight of his pants-less female hurriedly pulling the covers up over her body.

The buzzing continued, uncaring of his presence and that only pissed the snarling youkai off even more.

"Where is he?" Sesshomaru growled.

Kagome, who was squirming suspiciously and rubbing her thighs together under the blanket, looked startled. "Uhh, who?"

"Do not lie, bitch. I have heard you calling his name. I can hear his accursed humming now even as we speak."

The fidgeting miko was at a loss. He thought she was cheating on him? He could hear... _'Ooooooooh...OH! CRAP!'_ she thought, frantically trying to find the off button on Bob before Sesshomaru melted their home to the ground. "It's not nnnngh...what you think, I swear! There is NO one here. I would never do that!"

Sesshomaru raised his reddened gaze to her equally crimson face and gnashed his lengthening fangs. Without another word, he ripped the covers off his yelping mate to finally meet his foe.

_'Where is he hiding?'_ Sesshomaru thought angrily. The scary thought from earlier suddenly slammed back into his mind as he searched for the doomed little youkai. He shook his head. _'Surely she wouldn't let it to do that. Is it even possible to fit an entire hell wasp in there?'_

Curious nature momentarily taking control of his desire to maul, he forced Kagome's knees apart and started.

_'This is definitely not a bee...or a youkai...or alive.'_

Something white was glistening, and cheerfully spinning while lodged inside his mate's most secret place. Slowly, he reached down and pulled the still vibrating thing out of her moist cavern and studied it.

There was no doubt that this odd little contraption was the source of the buzzing noise, which he now knew was the result of the vibrations. But what the devil was it? Raising a well sculpted brow, he pinned Kagome with a trademark death glare.

"Explain." he commanded.

Kagome starred at him incredulously. "Umm, isn't it kinda obvious?" She really didn't want to explain.

When he didn't reply, she sighed.

"It's a toy. For adults. To help relieve...uhh...tension."

Sesshomaru glanced at the floppy thing twirling in his claws. "What sort of tension?"

"Oh, come on Sesshomaru, look at where it was hangin' out before you so rudely interrupted. What the hell other kind of tension happens down there?" She asked angrily. Really, what was wrong with him?

She watched as the light bulb went on above his head, and had to fight the urge to cringe when he settled his stony gaze back to her.

"This is bigger than I am." He stated, highly displeased by this discovery.

"Wha-HEY!" Kagome screeched as her faithful little friend was melted into a disgustingly smelly goo. "Bob! Nooooooooooooo!"

Sesshomaru watched her mourn with a merciless expression on his handsome face, though his mind was racing with this new information while trying to sort through his feelings on the whole event.

Bob was not a bee youkai, but an evil silicon giant. He wasn't sure which was worse at this point.

Kagome was not unfaithful. That was good.

Bob had still needed to be destroyed. That felt good.

Bob was now a very large sticky mess on the floor. That was unpleasant.

Kagome was crying over a rubber dick. That was disturbing.

She was getting dressed and preparing to leave.

This last revelation brought him back to reality as his mate was indeed walking out the door. With lightning fast speed he shot out in front of her, grabbed her by the shoulders and growled.

"Where are you going?"

"Well, thanks to a certain asshole who shall remain nameless, I have to go replace Bob." Kagome spat.

"Why?"

"Because I need someone to touch me once in a while! And my fingers get all pruney when I do it myself, dammit." She huffed.

Sesshomaru had to fight off a smile as he watched her realize what she had just said, and do a rather impressive impersonation of a tomato. That was quickly chased off however, when the implication of her words sunk in.

"Hn." He had been fairly inattentive as of late. But that was all right. He could fix this problem easily.

So, without further ado, he tossed her over his shoulder, shot down the hall and dumped her back on the bed.

"Sesshomaru, what the he-!"

He tackled her suddenly, and growled in her ear as he shredded her clothing. "You are forbidden to take pleasure by such means again."

Kagome paused in mid moan and glared at her mate, who was ignoring her in favor of nuzzling the juncture between her legs. "You can't-ahhh- tell me what-nnngh!"

When the slight barrier that used to be her panties was torn away, she promptly forgot her objections.

A very sated Kagome awoke the next morning deliciously sore. She sighed happily and stretched, startled when her hand knocked something off the nightstand.

Reaching down, she picked up a small brightly wrapped package with a note attached. "What in the world..." she murmured as she read Sesshomaru's immaculate handwriting.

**F****or those few times ****I ****am not available to see to your needs, as ****I ****do not find raisin fingers attractive either.**

**P.S. - ****D****o not forget to clean ****B****ob off of the carpet..**

**S**

Snorting at the last bit, she turned her attention to the oddly shaped box. Her eyes widened in shock as she tore the paper away from the 'gift' hidden within. Inside was a pocket rocket no bigger than top half of her index finger.

Kagome almost felt dizzy at the rate of change in her emotions. She went from embarrassed, to annoyed, to wondering if he might be willing to use it on her sometime in 5 seconds flat.

She looked at the clock on the wall. _'6 hours until he gets off work... I have time to give this little guy a test drive.'_ she thought with a giggle.

After batteries had been beaten into the ridiculously small port, she closed her eyes and lay back, replaying all the things her mate had done to her the night before. Just as she was about to hit her peak...

"Miko."

"Eeeeee!"

**End~**

**A/N: Wasn't sure if this needed the lemon up there or not. If enough people ask I will add another short chapter with the missing smuts. Otherwise, -shrug- Anyway, hoped you enjoyed! Please review!**


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